8/8/07 "Wonka MD"

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I apologize for my absence from the last two updates, as well as the half-finished installment of the Happs that we published on July 18th. Sometimes I just forget about my internet celebrity status and I'm far too elusive for Jeff to track me down and remind me.

 But I'm back, if for no other reason than to keep Nick's slimy meat hands away from our website. He takes a perverse joy in taking my place and "altering" the English language to fit his simple needs. And when I say he "alters" it, I mean he rapes the shit out of it. He takes it out under the guise of a lovely date, gets it all liquored up, and has it way with it, leaving it with shattered dreams of a life that could have been, if not for the foul, badly punctuated monster in its belly. This is what Nick does. This is who he is.

So Thursday is the 23rd anniversary of my glorious birth. Normally this would be a happy occasion, but thereís nothing happy about a birthday in Disappointmentville. Birthdays in D-Ville are the saddest things in the world.

But donít cry for me.

Donít cry for me.