7/11/07 "God's Rootbeer"

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7/6/07
We’re back, world! Our server was nice enough to send us on a mandatory vacation. They wouldn’t even let us access our control panel, to ensure that we couldn’t possibly spoil our time off with things like updates and webcomics. Thanks MySiteSpace! That was a nice surprise!

  A lot has happened since our last update. Jeff gave birth to a beautiful half-human, half-robot child that was implanted in him fifteen years ago by Optimus Prime, leader of the Autobots, in an attempt to hide the child from Megatron, leader of the Decepticons. The robot child’s heart was actually an ancient relic known as the Allspark, which grants its owner the ability to bring mechanical objects to life.

  However, before Prime could return to Earth to retrieve the child, a disgruntled ex-federal employee named Thomas Gabriel got his hands on it. Gabriel was fired from his cushy government job after his post-9/11 cyber security system was rejected. He planned to use the Allspark to exact revenge on the US, until New York Detective John McClane toppled his plan and sent Gabriel to an early grave.

  In the end, Jeff and I decided to give the robot child to a family in the Midwest. We don’t have time for a baby right now.

  The root beer that we poke fun at in today’s comic actually exists and those exact words are printed on the package. It must be awesome to work in marketing, because nothing you say or do is required to make any fucking sense whatsoever.

  It’s good to be back.

-Dylan