10/4/07 "The Unfair part four: Butt Jokes"

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So consider our Unfair story all wrapped up. I use the term "story" loosely, because it's really just a random sequence of events that takes place at the county fair. We wanted to go out in song, so we brought back good ol' Chuck Dick. Just for clarification, Dick doesn't really rhyme everything in real life, but he would sell so much more food if he did. I would go to him exclusively.

 Being the video game nerd of the duo, I of course picked up Halo 3 last week. Logan came down from COLLEGE for the weekend and we cooperatively marathoned the game from Friday night to early Saturday morning, beating it in about 8 hours. What a disappointing end to a trilogy that held such great potential. I think I enjoyed it, but it definitely felt like a rehash of the first two games, right down to a final level that was an exact repeat of the final level from the first game. Parallels like that don't work in videogames, because I don't want to throw down sixty bucks to play a game I've already fucking played. The multiplayer is phenomenal, as expected, which leads me to believe that the single player campaign was merely an afterthought. The Halo universe is amazing, but the games are the absolute worst representation of it. Reading the novels, which are quite good, just makes me realize how far the ball was dropped.

 For shame, Bungie. You abandoned all of your hardcore sci-fi fans in favor of the hanging with the popular jocks. You've seen those guys. They were the ones throwing footballs and tackling Master Chief displays while waiting for their copy of Halo 3. The Halo universe has so much awesome shit going on, from the UNSC to the Spartan program and from the Covenant to the Flood, there's such a wealth of amazing material that it's so disappointing to see the game practically abandon all of that in favor for a Bruckheimer-esque thrill ride and an ending that wraps up everything up in a sloppily-tied, shit-colored bow. And the fact that they tried to shoehorn all of the backstory into little "terminals" that you had to seek out is practically a slap in the face.

 Logan feels the same way and he summed it up much better than I ever could have: "To me it feels like the halo universe is like sex, and the games themselves are like a prudish wife. to get any from them takes prolonged wooing and coersion. and when she finally gives it up she just lays there like a dead fish and you're totally unsatisfied. so you just end up getting in on the side from those dirty slutty novels."

 VIDEOGAMES!!1!!

-Dylan