5/25/07 "Nick's Shtick 3"

<--Back     Home    Archive    Next-->

Starting next week, Jeff is going to take a break from Inner Nut for an undetermined amount of time, so he can spend time on other projects. So if you’re totally sick of Jeff, now is the time to start reading the comic! That is because I, DYLAN, am going to fill in as temporary artist. “But Dylan,” you’ll protest, “you can’t even draw!”

  You don’t think I know that? My life is hard enough without people like you constantly reminding me of my shortcomings. I have Logan for that. You don’t even know me! If you’re such a great artist, then why don’t you have a website? Oh what’s this? A link to your deviant art page? I should have Logan trample you with his horse. Good luck catching him. He can make Moscow in like three strides.

  A hilarious thing happened last week. Not long after I posted that entirely factual and in no way fabricated recap of my alcoholism and domestic violence issues, Jeff’s shoddy driving, and Nick’s tendency to murder women, a friend called to inform me that her father had read that post and it caused him to actually question my sanity.

  I was a bit shocked, as I thought murdering hookers was a well known comedy gag! As Logan put it, “watching a hooker get murdered is like watching somebody get kicked in the crotch!” I found it hard to believe that my friend’s father would take something so seriously, but then I remembered the bit about Nick murdering my wife, and my subsequent beating of her corpse, and his judgment of my sanity started to become more and more plausible. It was like a puzzle of my mind, where I thought everything was fine, until I realized that there were missing pieces. And then when I put them all together I was nuts.

  Frank, I can assure you that if I am crazy, I sure as hell don’t know about it. Man, this is so frustrating; it makes me want to go punch my dead wife!